Happy New Year's Eve Eve!

Thursday 12/30/10

I'd been listening to Natasha Bedingfield songs all day & was feeling emboldened by her message of "girl power" and "fate", so I decided to do something I wouldn't normally consider doing: Flirt. Flirting for me is always a disaster - I come off as either a moron or a bitch. I get super nervous & super self conscious & never know what to say. Then, an hour later, when I do come up with that perfectly adorable response, it only serves to make me more aware of just how hopeless I am! I've been taking lessons in the flirting department from my man-whore of a bestie, Symonds. One of his favorite lines to use on a girl is, "We're fighting!" It instantly catches her off-gaurd and then she has to spend the rest of the night trying to make amends. For example, say he strikes out with Girl A at the bar, he'll text Girl B to come out & meet him. Girl B is already in bed & doesn't show. So the next time he bumps into Girl B he tells her they're now fighting because she blew him off & she will spend the rest of the night making it up to him & eating out of his very metrosexual palm. It's a good strategy, & I can testify to it's success rate!

I was getting off work and my friend Mary had been texting me motivational phrases all day to encourage me to invite Jody, the cute security guy, to my New Year's Eve party. She was full of advice, telling me things like "Do it! Do it!" & "Don't lose your nerve!" (And then when I did lose my nerve, "Damnit Katie! Damnit to Hell!") I felt bad for disappointing her. So when I got to my car and realized I had left my lunch sack & would have to go back in to get it, I took it as an opportunity for a second chance to get my flirt on! (Truthfully I was also pumped that it gave me an opportunity to say "lunch sack!" I have the same sense of humor as a 12 year old boy, I'm ashamed to say.) He greeted me warmly when I walked back in, but I played it cool. I was saving my mojo for on the way out - in case I said something retarded & had to beat a hasty retreat! So on the way out, I mustered up as much confidence as I could legitimately fake & walked up to him. "We're totally fighting by the way!" He looked confused. "We're fighting. You didn't come over for movie night the other night!" (Sidebar: Right in front of him, I had invited people that I knew were unavailable to come watch a movie with me & the roomie. It was a night I knew Jody was off work & this way I could also casually invite him to join us. In a totally spur-of-the-moment, unplanned kind of manner of course!) Alas, apparently he'd gone out clubbing to get his "Funk & Groove" on, as is his Tuesday tradition. As for myself, after watching a chick flick, Mary and I sat on the kitchen floor drinking wine and playing with the cats, as all good single girls do. I put out feelers about his New Year's Eve plans (he was going to another club) & didn't bother to invite him over. I was not picking up any interest and I was feeling at a loss due to the failure of my friend's magical line, so it was time to peace out. Luckily it wasn't too humiliating, just massively disheartening.

It's not that I'm desperate to be coupled up or anything. I have no biological clock pressuring me to make babies. But I'm 29 & the last relationship I had was over year ago, and it was a long-distance one with a crazy boy from Tennessee who wanted me to try eating Possum, which he assured me was NOT gross, as it tasted just like squirrel! I need a man. Also, I'm not allowed to trust my own judgment anymore when forming attachments. With the exception of Jody, of the last 4 crushes I've had, 2 of the boys turned out to be gay & the other one's orientation is still up for debate! But that's a whole other story.