Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Happy Cigarettes Are Hazardous To Your Health Day!

 Tuesday 01/11/11

I did not have a cigarette today. I don't smoke, so that's not unusual. But I still count it as a point of celebration.

Gotta say I was super impressed by what I saw on my way to work today tho. I guy down the road was out shoveling his driveway in short-shorts! I'm pretty sure I'm in love. I wish I could have come up with some clever way to sneak a picture, but I'm not the greatest with the covert snapping of photos. An old lady totally busted me at Barnes & Nobel when I tried to get a picture of her walking around with a book on the joys of anal sex! Awkward.

The wonderful thing about Tuesdays is working at the Crystal Castle with my bestie. On this particular Tuesday however, we'd had a massive blizzard, which meant no one was out shopping in the state of Ohio. From open to close we had only one customer. One. We occupied our minds by inventing a form of Shuffleboard that involved bouncing nickles off the counter & getting them to roll into certain scoring zones. I choked hard in the 1st round, & I ended up having to forfeit the 2nd round, so clearly the game was rigged! Hopefully the big wigs weren't utilizing the remote access cameras to spy on us today. Or the day I stripped down in the back room...

Our store radio was allegedly set to the Adult Contemporary station when a Justin Bieber song came on. I have a confession: I sang along with it. I didn't realize it was a Bieber song at first, it was the one about smiling, I just got so confused... But if a girl sings a Justin Bieber song alone in a store with no one around to hear, does it really count? I'm so ashamed.

Happy National Clean Off Your Desk Day!

Monday 01/10/11

I got a very disturbing Facebook notification today. It stated that my grandma, Nani, had been tagged in one of my photos. Tagged. When did my grandma, who does not know how to use the phone book function on her cell phone, get a Facebook account? Heck, when did she get the internet? Also, when I friend requested her it listed my sister as a mutual friend. Why had she friended my sister already & not me?

I actually think it's fabulous that Nani got a Facebook. It gives her a way to keep in touch with family & hopefully reconnect with long-lost friends and schoolmates.

My full time job is at the Panty Palace, where I have worked for the last 7 years. I am currently assisting seasonally in Lotion Land, another division of our company. I love it & hope to stay on permanently in this department. We currently do not have our own desks, so it's impossible for me to clean mine off. And it's waaaaaaay to cold outside for me to clean out my car, so I decided I'd celebrate by cleaning out my purse. I found $47 cash, 11 condiment packets, 8 lip glosses, 5 packs of gum, & an old paycheck. So National Clean Off Your Desk Day definitely paid off for me.

Now if only I could get my grandma to accept my friend request.

Happy Balloon Acension Day!

Sunday 01/09/11

Recovery came in the form of McDonald's Diet Coke and egg drop soup from China Cottage. I dropped food off to my boss, Vi, at the Crystal Castle (my part-time job) as she works all day by herself on Sundays & if she's not fed regularly she gets miserable & cranky.

I love balloons. Love, love, love balloons. So I was super-pumped to learn that today was National Balloon Ascension Day! This day is a commemoration of the the first US aerial voyage. A frenchman named Jean Pierre came all the way to Philly from, well, France to make a buck. He charged $5 at ticket for spectators to come watch him lift off from prison yard in his hot air balloon on January 9, 1773. President George Washington even came to watch. Presumably he got in for free.

Happy National JoyGerm Day!

Saturday 01/08/11

Can we just talk about Justin for a moment? I don't think I've fully disclosed him yet. We were friends in grade school, but lost touch when he moved away. We've recently reconnected thru the Facebook & it feels like we picked up exactly where we left off. He lives a little over 2 hours away, but I've gone & visited him several times & we try to get together when he's visiting here. Mary, the one pushing me to pursue Jody, is a close mutual friend of both of ours.

I have a little bit of a thing for Justin & it's a bit complicated, for several reasons. First let me paint you a word picture. I can describe him to you using only four words: Young... Tall... Richard Simmons. Only Justin is actually (& surprisingly) straight, tho you'd assume the exact opposite about one minute into a conversation with him. Justin & I messed around once, but it didn't go that great. It's not awkward between us or anything, but he has no idea how I feel; & he's made it pretty clear that he has no romantic interest in me whatsoever. So of course I'm crazy about him.

Then he told me about a crush he had on a friend of his. He was confiding in me about it & actually asked me to help him "get" her & even suggested I testify to her about certain anatomical attributes he possesses. I decided i needed some space so I could clear my head & just get over it so I've been keeping my distance. So of course now he is blowing up my Facebook & constantly texting me. It's sending me mixed signals & confusing the heck outta me. It's probably just coming from his neediness and the fact that he needs constant reassurance in his life, but it makes me feel all "what iffy?".

I should also take a moment to mention Alex. Alex is Justin's roommate & before J & I had our moment, Alex & I had quite the passionate moment as well. That was an interesting night to say the least, especially seeing as I'd only known him for a few hours. In my defense, a lot of wine was involved. Plus I thought he was cute.

So now the reason for all this. Justin texted me today that he heard a song on the radio & thought of me. How romantic! I'm sorry, did I say romantic? I meant shitty. The song was Avril Lavigne's What The Hell. It starts out about how she's making out with her dude's friend & then goes into the chorus: All I want to do is mess around/ And I don't really care about/ If you love me, if you hate me. Wow.

Justin thought it was hilarious, but it definitely hurt me. I felt like just going home after work & taking it easy. But today is National JoyGerm day where, instead of hiding from germs, you're encouraged to spread one: Joy. So instead of hiding from my drama, I decided to shake it off, go out, & seek/spread some joy! My man-whore bestie, Symonds, wanted me to hang out with him and some of his out of town friends, but I felt more in need of a girls' night.

I decided to hit the town with my friend Shannon. Shannon is fabulous. Her family is such a mess that she & her mom were actually on Oprah back in the day! Which means Shannon is crazy & awesome & a ton of fun to hang out with. She's also hooking up with Symonds on the side. I started the night out with 3 vodka crans at a karaoke bar, then had a glass of Moscato at the Wine Loft (where we met up with Bestie & he used Shannon to make another girl jealous, which only made him that much more attractive to Shannon), & then it was off to the pub where I met Mike (& a Kentucky Bourbon Barrel, a pineapple upside down cake shot, & a Crispins). Mike was cute & while Shannon was in the bathroom he came over & started chatting with me.

We decided to head back to Shannon's place, stopping by my house so I could grab some more alcohol. (I also needed to take a moment to do a quickie shave of the upper thigh region - DRY!) Then we headed to Shannon's where I made us some drinks & we got cozy. & by cozy I mean I got bored with him & sent him packing after about an hour. Kinda felt bad for the guy as he went home with two girls & left empty handed. But I feel like I was just rebelling against Justin's idea of me & I'm truly not that kind of girl. I decided before I was to take such a dramatic turn in my life, I needed to sleep on it. Alone.

Happy Harlem Globetrotter's Day!

Friday 01/07/11

I love how because my sister made good grades, I got free Sake today. I've been trying to learn to like new things & I finally found a sushi I love - Naruto Maki (& it's even better when earned by one family member & paid for by another)! I basically worked all day, but was able to schedule a 3 hour break at work so that I could meet up with the fam for dinner.

Other than that, it was a fairly uneventful day. However, I did enjoy a little bit of childhood reminiscence before leaving the house. Everything I know about the Harlem Globetrotters I learned from Scooby Doo. So in honor of Harlem Globetrotter's Day, I pulled up the cartoon on YouTube where Scooby & the gang play some hoops with the boys from Harlem. It was dubbed in Romanian, which I wouldn't say I'm fluent in, tho I do speak a bit. Buna dimineata, for example. It means "good morning." Mama mea este o caracatita. Which means "my mother is an octopus." As I said, not fluent, but everything I know in Romanian I learned from Tom Selleck, so that's something.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Happy Armenian Christmas!

Thursday 01/06/11

As today is the Armenian Christmas, I felt it only appropriate to call off work & watch a marathon of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I wasn't really sick, but I was exhausted from the stress of the previous day & felt I deserved a personal day. Also I'd had this crazy dream that Bigfoot escaped capture & we ran off together to open a fudge shop. The weird thing about that? I don't like fudge.

My goal was to justify taking the day off by getting caught up on housework & side projects, but boy does trash TV have a sneaky way of sucking you in! I found myself toggling between Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, Jersey Shore, & those kooky Kardashians! It's hard enough keeping up with one of those shows, let alone all three! Shoot.

I wish I had more to report on the activities of the day, but literally I was a total bum! My friends invited me out that night & I had to decline as I hadn't even bothered to shower! I did actually research the Armenian celebration of Christmas tho. The main difference seems to be that Armenian Christmas is a more subdued, purely religious affair. They even fast for the whole week leading up to Christmas. The biggest difference tho is that instead of children going nutty tearing into a giant pile of presents, they instead bring gifts to their elders. There's no Santa Clause breaking & entering into their home on Christmas Eve (Grandfather Winter, as he is called, visits them on New Year's). It's a stark contrast to the way the true meaning of the day gets lost in the jumble of commercialism here in America.

It definitely gave me something to think about. But I couldn't spend too much time on it, as I had to get back to my television viewing. Those Kardashians aren't going to keep up with themselves ya know!

Happy Bean Day!

Wednesday 01/05/11

I am having a Renaissance with Chipotle. I'm not a fan of the spicy, but I absolutely loved me some 'Potle when they first came on the scene. My sister even tried to talk my parents into franchising one! I quickly grew tired of it, but today being National Bean Day & all, I decided to give it a re-whirl.

That burrito was probably the only good part about my day. Before noon I had already gotten a speeding ticket (a totally bogus one to boot!) and hit a parked car (tho that may have actually been my fault). I had stayed up late the night before watching Human Centipede with the roomie & then I couldn't sleep. My friend Justin, whom we will discuss at a later date, couldn't either so we ended up having a late-night chat session. He was wired after munching on a bunch of chocolate covered espresso beans. Which, as it was well after midnight, was only appropriate considering the theme of the day. We then ended up getting into a discussion about how bad his gas is after bean consumption. I began to rethink my choice of day to celebrate. But seeing as my other option was National Bird Day and they've been discovering thousands of dead birds all across the country, I felt it best to risk it with the beans.

That left me with about 3 hours to "nap" before an early-morning inventory.  After that was over & done with, roomie, boss, & I headed to the Cracker Barrel for lunch. On the way back, during a passionate discussion pertaining to the awesomeness that is Florence + The Machine, I got zapped. The officer was a jerk and I hate to accuse anyone of telling a falsehood, but that man was flat out lying! He claimed I was going 56 in a 35! I was speeding - 8 miles over to be precise - but he pulled me over for 56 & ticketed me for 45. I considered contesting it, but seeing as I was mildly speeding and I've had somewhere in the vicinity of 15 tickets, I decided to just pay it. I do however make it a habit of paying my tickets the day AFTER they are due. If I'm going to have to suffer the inconvenience of paying a fine, the officer is going to have to suffer the inconvenience of waiting around for me to show up in court. I figure if he sees I paid the ticket, then he knows he doesn't have to show. By paying it late, he has to waste an hour of his day. So... I win!

Anyway, after getting the ticket I headed back to the store & proceeded to parallel park right into another car. Fortunately there was no damage, as it appeared I backed into their license plate. A silver lining, yes, but this day was already ticking me off & I still had to work my other job. Sigh.

Thankfully Chipotle & a McDonald's Diet Coke helped me to survive the rest of the day without incident.

Burrito: $5.95
Diet Coke: $1.00
Speeding Ticket: $155.00
Not having any disturbing side effects from downing an extra-beans burrito: Priceless

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Happy Pop Music Chart Day!

Tuesday 01/04/11

After a restless night full of strange & dramatic dreams, I woke up early and decided to be productive. I did the dishes, after which I felt I'd had enough productivity for one day. I figured I would just get a jump start on today's festivities by reading The History of Tom Thumb. I could have told you that he was a man the size of a thumb, but that would have completely exhausted my knowledge of the life and death of Mr. Thumb. As today is Tom Thumb Day, I needed a little bit more to go on. As a fairy tale lover, I don't know how it happened that I've never read the story before. Discovering that it's also the first fairy tale ever written made me even more excited!

Total lamesauce. He had boots made of mouse skin, he got Jonah'ed by a cow, he was a jester in King Arthur's court, all the attention he received made the queen jealous so he had to hide out in a snail shell... Maybe I'm spoiled by good ol' Grimm boys & by Hans, but (& pardon me for saying this) I gave it two very unenthusiastic thumbs down!

So it's back to the calendar. I notice that today is also Pop Music Chart Day. Fantastic - my friend Elena gave me the new Taylor Swift album for my birt'day & I decided to pop it in while shopping around on iTunes. I figured I could justify my song purchases by calling them "research".

Let me just say this, I want love like in a Taylor Swift song! I listened to her title track "Speak Now" on repeat for the entire day! It's about this girl who crashes a wedding to steal away the groom so he won't end up with the wrong, awful girl! I know what you're thinking, couldn't she have sent him a text the day before? Well yes, perhaps, but then you wouldn't have this amazingly inspiring, uplifting, empowering, keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat ballad! Every time I listen to it I'm nervously chewing my fingernails, hoping that he won't say yes, he'll run away now, he'll meet her when he's out of the the church by the back door!

As the girl who never speaks up, who can never say "I like you," this song truly strikes a chord with me. Belting out the lyrics in my car, emotionally pounding my fist into the steering wheel, I felt like maybe someday I could be the girl who speaks now! I also felt the need to remind the people driving around beside me that it's not polite to stare.

I haven't seen him in years, but the guy I should have married recently got engaged. At the time I knew he liked me and I liked him, but somehow we ended up involved with each other's best friends. That didn't work out obvously, but then the timing was never right & we just drifted apart. Of course I would never say or do anything now, but I wonder what would have happened if I had just taken a moment to open up to him and just say "I like you." But at the end of a day filled with nothing but Taylor Swift, I know that as much as I would like to be that girl, I never will be.

Actually, I take that back. At work we were doing inventory prep and the store's station was set on Adult Contemporary. We sang many a pop hit - everything from TLC's Waterfalls to Stevie Nick's Landslide. And, I'm ashamed to say, I may have sung part of a Justin Bieber song. I didn't mean to do it, it just sorta happened. I promise I will never do it again - or at least not around witnesses!

Capped off the day with a (2nd) McD's Diet Coke, 20 minutes of heaven in a tanning bed, & B-Movie Night with the roomie! Human Centipede was our cinematic masterpiece of choice. I strongly feel the only movie that could have possibly been worse would be The History of Tom Thumb 3-D.

Happy Bath Safety Month!

01/03/11

I woke up today feeling much better than anticipated. I'm giving credit to the cocktail of Tylenol, Benadryl, & B Vitamins I took before bed. I fully expected to wake up looking like some slimy creature out of a horror movie, so I was pleasantly surprised to see my normal scary-morning self. Then I realized that meant I would actually have to go to work. Bummer. I truly like my job, but I do love a good sick day! I get so much done when I'm sick - I clean house, catch up on bills, finish up little projects. I rarely have a day off, so I'm not the kind of person who wastes one, whether I am sick or not!

I had quite a few options for today's celebratory activity. But as I was working a 10 hour shift, I didn't have the time to celebrate J.R.R. Tolkein, nor did I have the inclination to actually research "Memento Mori 'Remember You Die' Day". And I basically celebrate "Drinking Straw Day" every day of the year when I order my McDonald's Diet Coke. So I decided to take a broader view of things.

This is a month of many celebrations & 2 in particular were very appealing to me, as I was still recovering from yesterday's Anthrax disease. January is Bath Safety Month AND National Soup Month. So into the tub I went, using up all the hot water for my bubble bath, soaking my still-sore muscles until my fingertips pruned up like Mick Jagger. After toweling off, I made a pot of chicken noodle soup & I didn't even pick out the celery. I'm trying to learn to like new foods, & celery and I have yet to find a love connection. Turns out however, I can tolerate it when it's boiled beyond recognition. It's always good to make time for yourself & find little things to take comfort in throughout the day. That's today's lesson.

At work Lucky asked me who I was in love with. I had told him I wasn't feeling any potential reciprocation in the Jody department. "I want you to be with Jon!" he announced, a little too loudly. Jon AKA "Hot Supervisor" is, well, a hot supervisor in the service department that I've had a crush on forever. We never talk - I avoid it at all costs - because I inevitably say something stupid or rude every time I'm around him. Whenever he approaches me, a panicked text to my friends is sure to follow, asking them how I can fix whatever mess I just made with my awkwardness. So you can see why I like to avoid him. Plus he's a supervisor. So even tho he gives me "the good feelings," I know it will never amount to anything more than a creepy crush from afar.

Here's the thing, when I was leaving work tonight I could see Jody leaning over the front desk, watching me walk towards lobby. He looked at me with a strange sad-puppy expression on his face. I became super self-aware and could barely muster a "goodnight" as I made a beeline for the exit. I hate to sound all "Double Rainbow," but... What does it mean???

Happy Mew Year For Cats Day!

Sunday 01/02/11

Today I had a choice of holidays to celebrate. Chris' boyfriend Joe had stayed the night, so we discussed my options over breakfast. The first, "Mew Year For Cats Day" was instantly dismissed by all. The second, "National Motivation & Inspiration Day" had potential. But it's the third one that really caught my eye, "55-MPH Speed Limit Day"! I have a terrible driving record, and I have "donated" over $2000 in fines to the local Ohio police departments since getting my license. The thought of purposely driving 10 miles under the speed limit on the highway intrigued me. Plus it gave me an excuse to speed on the side streets! I was pretty sure they wouldn't be able to ticket me for my celebratory lead foot.

The problem was, nobody else was celebrating! On the side streets I was stuck going the speed limit because I was always behind some law-abiding idiot. And then I ended up taking the back way to work so I could stop for a McDonald's Diet Coke (my one true love) & never made it onto the highway.

That was okay tho, I could always choose to celebrate motivation & inspiration. That was a little more abstract & I'm a pretty positive person, so I knew I'd have no trouble finding a way to embody the spirit of the day! I'm filling in seasonally in a new department at work & I absolutely love it. I'm hoping to stay on permanently so figured I would go above & beyond to show how much this new role inspired me & how motivated I was to perform at my best!

The problem was, I felt like crap. And as the evening progressed, my symptoms became more obvious. My muscles ached, my ears throbbed, my throat was swollen... Add in chills, runny nose & a fever and you will find yourself utterly lacking in inspiration and motivation. I ran my symptoms thru WebMD and it came back with several possibilities, including Mono & Anthrax. Apparently it thinks I'm running around making out with terrorists. It also listed Influenza, which seemed more likely.

So, like a good little single girl, I went home to my kitties and served them canned food sprinkled with Bonita Fish flakes as a special treat. I played with them, gave them catnip, & celebrated the mew year with my furry friends. Damnit.

Happy New Year's Day!

Saturday 01/01/11

Typically on New Year's Day our extended family gathers at my Aunt & Uncle's house to spend the day together. But this year everyone was either working, at a wedding, or had something better to do. So I'd asked my mom if they wanted me to come over after work so we could spend the evening as a family & maybe play a game or watch a movie. Her sweet, motherly reply was, "No, not really." I felt the love.

So the 1st rolls around & I get a phone call from my dad. "What are you doing today?" I told him that since mom had indicated that they did not wish to enjoy the pleasure of my company that day, my plans were still up in the air. Some friends had invited me to see a movie, but other than that I hadn't really given it much thought. "Well I don't see why we couldn't have a nice family evening together! What time can you be here?" I said I could be there by 7:15. "Ok, but no later than that!" Again, I felt the love.

I actually got a round of applause when I walked thru the front door at 7:14. The plan was to watch a movie that I had bought my dad for Christmas & try out the new surround sound he'd gotten for my mom. I also brought over my new popcorn maker that I'd been dying to show off. New year, new toys. I'd gotten him one of my favorite movies, a fine quality film the whole family would be sure to enjoy. My sister was there & we waited for her boyfriend (note: it was okay if he came over to the house later, but not me) before starting the movie.

Let me just say in my defense, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus is hilarious! It's a terrible movie, with a terrible plot, and terrible acting - I love it! My dad loves to watch The Soup & it's a movie Joel McHale had made fun of on the program; I thought for sure we could all enjoy it's cheesy awfulness together, in surround sound, whilst bashing on some amazing popcorn! But no. And now I am banned from ever picking the movie we watch for Family Movie Night ever again. I guess I should just be grateful I'm not banned from Family Movie Night itself!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year's Eve!

Friday 12/31/10

It was New Year's Eve & my fabulous roommate Chris is throwing a party at our house. I was definitely looking forward to what was bound to be an ah-may-zing night! I skipped eating on my lunch break & went to the store to buy a giant bottle of cheap wine. It's called Frutezia (the "z" is how you know it's fancy). But I was planning on killing the whole bottle by myself, so I figured it would be silly to purchase anything that cost more than $7.99.

I had gotten up early that morning so that I could clean my room & take care of my personal business in the shower - which was pointless considering I knew my midnight smooch would be coming from my little chickadee, Lucky, who is gay as a maypole. I would not be making any love connections at this shindig. But still, my motto is "always be prepared." (The Boy Scouts definitely found a winner when they came up with that one!)

The party was a awesome - we had a great mix of people all dressed up to ring in the new year! A lot of Chris' theater friends made it out & they are always good times! Our neighbors had set a desk chair out at the curb & we raced up & down the street with it. Tho apparently there was a reason it was at the curb & I discovered what it was the hard way when I toppled off the broken seat & landed on my bum! Oh & did I mention the queso? Yum!

Unfortunately Lucky had fallen asleep downstairs before the ball dropped, but thankfully my friend Nicki was standing by with an available pair of lips when the ball dropped. After finishing off my bottle & mixing a few cocktails for some of the other guests we realized Lucky, who had made a brief appearance after midnight, was now nowhere to be found. Sigh. I could sense some massive gay drama approaching. I called Lucky. "Chickadee, where are you?" He sounded completely spaced out when he answered, "Katie, I'm on Forrer Drive." I was slightly confused, seeing as he didn't have his car with him. "I'm on foot. Katie, it's bad. This time it's serious." Lucky & his boyfriend Nicholas have this extremely rocky and chaotic relationship. It's always on again, off again. Individually they are both hot messes, put them together and it equals disaster. Apparently this minute, they were off again. But thankfully Nicki, once again, was standing by - this time with the ability to drive as she had only had a glass of wine. One of our flock had strayed & so we went seeking him into the night in order that we might welcome him back unto the fold. It was, like, Biblical.

You know it's been a good night when you wake up to find your mailbox full of cigars & jello shots, a blond wig in the trash can, streamers hanging from the ceiling fan, & a dude stumbling around wearing Spongebob pj pants with a white button down dress shirt. Like I said, the party was awesome. I just wish I'd had someone awesome to enjoy it with.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year's Eve Eve!

Thursday 12/30/10

I'd been listening to Natasha Bedingfield songs all day & was feeling emboldened by her message of "girl power" and "fate", so I decided to do something I wouldn't normally consider doing: Flirt. Flirting for me is always a disaster - I come off as either a moron or a bitch. I get super nervous & super self conscious & never know what to say. Then, an hour later, when I do come up with that perfectly adorable response, it only serves to make me more aware of just how hopeless I am! I've been taking lessons in the flirting department from my man-whore of a bestie, Symonds. One of his favorite lines to use on a girl is, "We're fighting!" It instantly catches her off-gaurd and then she has to spend the rest of the night trying to make amends. For example, say he strikes out with Girl A at the bar, he'll text Girl B to come out & meet him. Girl B is already in bed & doesn't show. So the next time he bumps into Girl B he tells her they're now fighting because she blew him off & she will spend the rest of the night making it up to him & eating out of his very metrosexual palm. It's a good strategy, & I can testify to it's success rate!

I was getting off work and my friend Mary had been texting me motivational phrases all day to encourage me to invite Jody, the cute security guy, to my New Year's Eve party. She was full of advice, telling me things like "Do it! Do it!" & "Don't lose your nerve!" (And then when I did lose my nerve, "Damnit Katie! Damnit to Hell!") I felt bad for disappointing her. So when I got to my car and realized I had left my lunch sack & would have to go back in to get it, I took it as an opportunity for a second chance to get my flirt on! (Truthfully I was also pumped that it gave me an opportunity to say "lunch sack!" I have the same sense of humor as a 12 year old boy, I'm ashamed to say.) He greeted me warmly when I walked back in, but I played it cool. I was saving my mojo for on the way out - in case I said something retarded & had to beat a hasty retreat! So on the way out, I mustered up as much confidence as I could legitimately fake & walked up to him. "We're totally fighting by the way!" He looked confused. "We're fighting. You didn't come over for movie night the other night!" (Sidebar: Right in front of him, I had invited people that I knew were unavailable to come watch a movie with me & the roomie. It was a night I knew Jody was off work & this way I could also casually invite him to join us. In a totally spur-of-the-moment, unplanned kind of manner of course!) Alas, apparently he'd gone out clubbing to get his "Funk & Groove" on, as is his Tuesday tradition. As for myself, after watching a chick flick, Mary and I sat on the kitchen floor drinking wine and playing with the cats, as all good single girls do. I put out feelers about his New Year's Eve plans (he was going to another club) & didn't bother to invite him over. I was not picking up any interest and I was feeling at a loss due to the failure of my friend's magical line, so it was time to peace out. Luckily it wasn't too humiliating, just massively disheartening.

It's not that I'm desperate to be coupled up or anything. I have no biological clock pressuring me to make babies. But I'm 29 & the last relationship I had was over year ago, and it was a long-distance one with a crazy boy from Tennessee who wanted me to try eating Possum, which he assured me was NOT gross, as it tasted just like squirrel! I need a man. Also, I'm not allowed to trust my own judgment anymore when forming attachments. With the exception of Jody, of the last 4 crushes I've had, 2 of the boys turned out to be gay & the other one's orientation is still up for debate! But that's a whole other story.